Food Updates / Bribing vs.Molding / Thoughts Captive / Internal Healing

Food Updates
The kids did so great this week letting me lead the day more and start to add more structure. It was so much better than expected!  I had images of them needing constant correction and distraction from the kitchen but it seems proven again, that my kids like knowing the expectations and thrive on routines & structure.  Annabelle was the only one who had to be reminded many times it wasn't time to snack but she also just in general snacks more than they do!  She eats such good hearty meals even with her snacking so I just chalked it up to a growth spurt and let her have at least one extra snack time a day and that's okay.  There's always some gracious flexibility in rules. :)

Bribing vs. Molding

I had a hard revelation this week as I processed through some parenting lessons with my ladies group.  We are reading the book Good & Angry which I have been recommending for years!!!  (LOVE THIS BOOK)   I was convicted that too often, for too long I have not been correctly appealing to Raymond's conscience.  Instead of teaching him about right and wrong and focusing on how others are affected or the principle underlying WHY this is right or wrong... I've often just focused on WHY he should do what I'm saying... and I've made it all about what's in it for him.   Also know as bribing.... ouch!   I was shocked when I started recording how often I do this.  I can not believe how easy it is for us to feed into our child's selfishness.  This is such an effective tool to get them to do what you want - but it does no good for their hearts!!!

Here are some examples:

• Appealing to his selfish nature, bribing:   Raymond, it's time for you to go put on your shoes and brush your teeth and if you keep stalling, you won't get (whatever)..... or...... Raymond it's time for you to go put on your shoes. Obey now and you will get to do technology when we get back..... (I can ever hear the appealing tone I put in my voice like I'm asking him a question vs. giving him an instruction/mission!  Ouch!!)
• Teaching right from wrong:  Raymond we are meeting friends in 15 minutes and we want to be respectful of their time and not be late so it's time for you to put on your shoes & brush your teeth. 

My reasoning for not bringing others into our conversation has always made sense to me - I don't want my children to be people-pleasers and so others-focused like I am.   And I never wanted to use guilt as a motivator....I have tried so hard to avoid using guilt as a way to manipulate.   But I wrongly have gone too far the other direction and have not appealed to his conscience of how his decisions affects others.   The motives for him doing right should not only be for what he will get out of it (reward for right decision, punishment for wrong).    

Reward/punishment is how we train behavior.....but it is not how we mold the heart.  I know God has been using us greatly to mold his heart and focus on the heart. But this is an area we have really let slide and we need to get back on track to work better at building up that moral conscience!  

We should be molding our children's hearts & consciences and teaching them to do what is right, because it's right.   And not do wrong, because it's wrong.  They should process, "I ought to do this because it's the right thing to do"..... They should not process, "I should do this because then I will get my reward"......  They should process, "This is wrong. I should not do this"....... They should not process: "I better not do this because I'm afraid of guilt or punishment"

Pure hearts desire right because they desire to do right.  Pure hearts are not motivated out of fear, guilt or selfishness - they are motivated out of love & character, truth, moral conscience!  

Taking thoughts captive:

While Mommy & Daddy have been taking steps to appeal to the conscience, we've noticed that Raymond really had some terrible grumbling, unthankful, negative, unhappy attitudes going on.   Most of the attitudes stem from discontent.   Like all children (and many adults) he has a really hard time accepting disappointment and focusing on what he does NOT have but wants to have.   I tried to get him to think and focus about all we have to be thankful for and he responded, "Mommy I can not switch my brain.  I can not stop thinking about this thing I want but can't have".    I'm so thankful he is a good communicator most of the time!  That comment sent all kinds of flags up that it's time to remind Raymond of the Spirit God has gifted us and the beautiful power of the Sword!  

We talked about how thoughts affect our attitudes & attitudes affect our actions & how our actions (even if it's just negative noises & grumbling and poor body language) bring either a positive or negative energy into the family and back into our own hearts.   He agreed that he wants to be joyful, happy, content and positive.  He knows that God loves him so much he wants him to be joyful, positive, content.  And Raymond knows what a bad attitude feels like and it doesn't feel good!  We talked about how God changes us and transforms us by changing our thoughts (Rom 12:2) and that He has shown us clearly what He DOES want us to think about (Phil 4).    We were reminded that God has given us a Spirit that can overcome anything and that He has given us authority to reign in our thoughts and redirect them to what He would want us to focus on! 

I notice a real change in Raymond's attitudes already.  It all starts with the renewing of the mind and what we focus on.   

It's been a beautiful week full of breakthroughs & victories - lots of stumbles, too. 

Internal Healing

On a side note, I praise God because I have been praying fervently that He would heal my body before homeschooling started.  I have been enduring pains & symptoms for years - not severe,  but just distracting & frustrating and always getting worse. I believe I have found the root issue. The symptoms I have battled are all externals so I've been trying to treat the symptoms and heal from the outside..... but all along it was an INternal thing!!!  Hello!   

Just like everything else I am learning in parenting and in my spiritual walk....Don't just treat the externals (behavior of our children in regards to parenting, behavior in ourselves in regards to our spiritual walk, physical external symptoms in regards to health)  and try to get rid of them or worse ignore them!   Take them as warning sides that INTERNAL changes are needed...have the courage to confront them face to face instead of run from them....and humbly seek God for internal healing!! 

True, lasting change is always about the heart.  Change always take courage and work!!!  It's always about the internal.  Always about the unseen. THAT has been the lesson of my life the past 8 years!!  

He is El Roi - the God who sees me.  

He is Jehovah Rapha - the God who heals. 

He is the one who rejuvenates our strength and gives us courage to try our imperfect best! 

He is Christ, the King - and to be under His reign is to be free!