The parenting book that I recommend more than any other is Good & Angry by Scott Turansky & Joanne Miller. One of my favorite chapters includes this challenging question:
"What is your attitude toward bad attitudes?"
When your child is imperfect in any one of the millions of ways that we can be imperfect as humans..... what is your most consistent response?
Is it fear? When you see an imperfection such as a bad attitude in your child, do you begin to right away have anxiety & worry & fear? Fear of what to do next? Fear of losing control of them all together? Fear that you are failing as a parent? Fear that your child is "really bad" or something is "really wrong" with them?
Is it anger? Do you immediately lash out? React? Do whatever it takes to overpower their attitude with your own?
When an imperfection is seen, does a laundry list of OTHER imperfections you have seen that day (or week or month or life!?) flood your mind and evoke so much emotion that you feel bitterness or despair or frustration or even rage?
Are you annoyed that they are interrupting your day with an imperfection??? Are you irritated that you have to interrupt your perfect day to bother correcting them, helping them or "dealing with them"???
Our attitudes about our children's bad attitudes (and other imperfections) say a lot about our hearts.
Imagine instead of fear or frustration or annoyance or anger, that we could see imperfection as an opportunity. A beautiful chance to see into the window of our child's perspective. An opportunity. Not an annoyance.
An opportunity. Because God has trusted us with our child's imperfection.
How we react to our child's imperfection says a lot about our spiritual maturity and what we believe about our heavenly Father's heart.
God has trusted us as mothers by giving us discernment to see symptoms of our children's mindset & perspective. And these symptoms are God's red flag to us to pray, move TOWARD our children and connect with their hearts.
Every sin we see is an opportunity to connect to God's heart first, our own heart second and our child's heart third. This does not mean we confront every sin we see in our child. Sometimes, when we see an imperfection, we connect with the Lord, He calms our heart and He gives us grace & mercy and we forgive right then without words. We stay connected to our child's heart without them even knowing sometimes.
We are called to be our children's coaches, cheerleaders, helpers, encouragers, teachers. We are not to be their opponent.
We are to rely on God to give us HIS love for our children. God's Spirit of Love that is in us and helps us is a Spirit of self control, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness & kindness.
Mommies & Daddies - we must stop being hypocrites. Our children see our hearts of fear, despair or rage. They feel our bitterness or annoyance. They are watching! They are learning what a parent does when an imperfection is seen. Are you reflecting the Father's heart to them? Let the message they see be one that connects them to the Fathers heart of mercy & grace AND truth & righteousness.
We are not perfect and our Father for eternity is so patient & kind with us! Firm, yes. Gentle, yes. Kind, yes. Harsh, no. Desperate, no. Patient, yes. Merciful, yes.
Be of good courage, Mommies! Do not fear! Do not be discouraged. GOD is the shepherd of our children's hearts and HE IS doing a good work in there! Pray pray pray for God to help you get over your bad attitudes about your children's imperfections.
Ask God to reveal to you how HE deals when He sees yours!
And don't be surprised when He reveals to you the terrible attitude you have toward bad attitudes. Don't be shocked when the way He parents & corrects YOU is by showing you lots of imperfections in yourself and your children - so that you can practice practice practice choosing faith not fear. Choosing prayer not rage. Choosing kindness not harshness. Choosing correction not punishment. Choosing coaching not fighting.
We have so many opportunities a day to connect to His heart, our heart, their hearts. Let's do what we can to throw away LESS opportunities tomorrow!
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